RP is not dead, just wounded

Ok, I admit it. I'm very resistant to change. There's still a good-sized part of me that rails against paying for online games, even though I've now succumbed to the depths of paying for "free-to-play" games (Ok, yes, you can play them for free, but to really enjoy them costs an average of $15/month). That part of me is rather close to or symbiotic with another part that says, "Sure, the graphics are shiny, but you'll never have the same fun or RP that you did playing that free text-based game."

Yeah, the MUD I played in was pretty good. I had a lot of good times there, made some friends, some enemies, etc. I look back fondly on the time I spent there, and occasionally drop in to check out what's been going on.

The problem is, my nostalgia plays tricks with my memory. Sure, I remember the good times, but I also have over three years' worth of logfiles to remind me of all the bad times, too. The in-character politics is one thing, but to have IC politics manipulated by OOC, to have players abuse their power by spying on you with their IMM account, to have rogue IMMs depose players' characters from power due to OOC dislike, to have spent over three years of my life devoted to helping a game's roleplay environment with nothing to show for it...

Yes, I'm bitter. I reached the point, quite some time ago, where I no longer trusted anyone in power within the game, because the majority of them had tried, with varying levels of success, to screw me and mine over. But that's not why I'm writing this. I do not intend to subject you all to the venomous vitriol which has built up within me.

My point of this post, rather, is to discover why, after knowing all the difficulties, all the politics, all the OOC factors that tint my perspective of that virtual place... why do I still feel the urge to return there? Whether it's to resume my role or begin a new character, I feel this pull towards the MUD.

I believe part of it is due to the inherent traits of a text-based environment, something that no graphics-based game is going to be able to reproduce for quite some time - customization of your character's appearance. Graphics-based character generation comes with preset attributes; your hair can be these styles, these colors, your skin can be these shades, your eyes can be this shape, these colors. After a while, there's no way to look unique. That's why there's always a rush to get the newest, coolest-looking clothes and such when new expansions are released. If you're the first, you get to look unique and stand out, even if it's just for a little while.

Within the text-based world, however, you can enter in your own description of your character. You're not limited to the defaults, to the pre-approved styles of hair or clothing. You can add details, like that scar your character got fighting some major battle, or even just your character's bearing. Not everyone walks the same, after all. Sure, it's limited by your imagination, but I'd much rather be "constrained" by my own than by the imaginations and code limitations of the game designers. After all, these are the same people who have mandated over and over that strength beats all, that a bigger sword equals a better sword, while finesse and grace are relegated to the weak, or at the most second-best.

Sudden insight: Video games give many people an escape from the feeling that they are powerless, without control of their lives, by allowing them to feel powerful within the context of the game. However, the game does not teach any different lesson: You need to be strong, be powerful, in order to progress. The game provides escape, temporarily. You can fight against the evil/corrupt powers-that-be and have a chance of changing things for the better. But there is no long-term solution included. Nothing learned from the game can be applied to change a person's daily sense of oppression in the real world. It's a patch, a quick-fix akin to cigarettes and chocolate.

Returning to my widely swinging point of this post, yes, character customization is a big part of it. My mind can come up with much more variance in appearance than a game engine can allow for. Further, perhaps due to this, the text-based crowd tends to exhibit a bit more imagination and RP ability than most people you'll find in a graphics setting. Again, some of this is due to code limitations, but a good deal of it is not. I felt a greater sense of immersion playing a game without graphics than I ever have while playing the shiny stuff.

Then, do I play with the shinies and ignore the lack of depth and RP, or do I return to the text, ignoring the lack of graphics, and subject myself to more psychological torture at the hands of petty politics for the chance of a more satisfying RP experience?